Sorry to Rant...

but it's my blog.

There are days (like today) where I find it so hard to be a single Mommy and full-time professional. My morning went a little something like this...

Waking up a little late due to two 5 minute snoozes. Thinking I can jump in the shower cause e isn't up yet. Right as I'm about to step in I hear him (he slept in a little), I think I'll go ahead and jump in anyway and pray for patience with his morning milk. I'm in, he's at the shower not happy that he is without milk PLUS the water is ever so slightly touching him. I scurry only to get razor burn cause you can't scurry a good shave and hop out to get him some milk.

My getting ready time is fast, I think we're in good shape to actually get to school and work on time since yesterday I was way off. I get his shoes on. Why should I get his shoes on? Why should I put his clothes on? Why thread his belt? He is completely capable of clothing himself. BUT if I do this we will not hit our "time" to get out the door. He then continues to prolong potty time insisting that his body isn't "telling him". Which by the way, he is listening so well to his body (I know several people who could take note). His potty training is, well, perfect. He takes such ownership of it so I can't force the issue. Well, not forcing means off-schedule.

As we stepped to the potty our timing was already thrown and the kicker...I undid HIS belt. Melt down #2 (I'm calling no immediate milk #1). And this is what made me so sad, he SHOULD be allowed to undo his belt. He shouldn't be rushed to get from here to there. I'm all for schedule (as all of you who will read this know) so it's definitely not a case scenario where e is ruling the house. Times like "do it for him" vs. "let him do it himself" shouldn't even be in question but they are due to the reality that there isn't another I can beg to help while I work at getting presentable and e works on being independent.

Then in my rushed state opening the door, he yells from the bathroom "don't leave me Mommy", this isn't acceptable! NOPE! Never should these words ever leave his mouth. So I stop lean down to his level and ask him to come to me. Because he thinks he's in trouble he's dashing every other direction. After hollering about punishments and choices he comes so that I can stop to talk to him about understanding I'd NEVER leave him. I realize he's probably not meaning it the way it sounds but kinda is so I just strongly felt it needed some attention.

Then rain. Yes, after our talk he started crying about wanting to ride his bike and not going to school and then he saw rain. Are you seeing the sensitive pattern yet? Anyway, rain equaled running equaled me holding him equaled more crying cause he wanted to run himself and then all the way to school he whined about the entire morning and all I kept saying was for him to use his "big boy words". I had to ignore so much of the tantrum and this just made my eyes well-up even more.

They were all little things adding up between a Mommy and a little boy. A Mommy who is working full-time and a little boy who sometimes just wants to stay home and play. Me too e, me too, sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and play too!

I love you e!

Ok...so just as I finished this I received this from e's Daddy:
I know you've been comforted already, but.... he knows you're there for him even when things get rushed. It would be sad if your everyday was this way, but it's not at all. Routines get rushed at times and if anything it's a good life lesson for E to be flexible...

My reply:
You’re right. It’s not all the time and there are lessons to be learned even in the times of “rushed”. Good stuff...I am so thankful we are doing this together. Really, it’s not how we planned it, it’s not ideal...We’re doing good.