Sleep Doctor

Elliott's school is great with hosting workshops and play dates. This evening I attended a discussion on children's sleep habits, they brought in a sleep doctor.

They ordered in pizza and as I stood in line the anxiety wore off as the number of parents increased, I knew I wasn't the lone "bad mother" who sneaks you into her bed from time to time. It's silly how alone you can feel in the world of parenting until you stand in a pizza line. We all stood there grabbing our bottled water, plate, napkin and cheese slice not quite looking each other in the eye. Then you catch a glimpse of that parent who looks like he/she has it all together and think, "you too...you have this problem too? NO"!

Scott was going to attend, I think just for my mental support cause he doesn't have the middle of the night wake-ups like I do from time to time. Logistics of not going to see e prior to entering the discussion got in his way. No kids were allowed and e wasn't about to watch him walk back out the door, so he took e home (it's a Daddy night).

I could have filled the entire workshop with questions but I sat back and listened to some stories familiar and some even (yes, perhaps even) worse. There were some parents with multiple children where they do the same rituals and one child snoozes without a peep and the other up three times a night. It was nice to hear that all these books you find don't factor in a lot of in between. The answers aren't black "cry it out" and white "be at their beckon call". Oh yeah and the best part, I'm not a bad Mommy! (kidding)

So I did find out that with two households one can have another sleep pattern than the other and this doesn't go as deep as just nightly whines. I have experienced a few times what they call "Confusional Arousal" and this can be in just my home. I was talking myself out of the possibility cause I was suspecting that if it was that deep it would happen in both households, not the case.

What is Confusional Arousal? Occurs in children 6mnths to 6yrs. within the first and sometimes middle third of the night. The child appears confused and agitated, may progress to crying, thrashing, back arching yet remains asleep. The child often doesn't recognize parents and it may be difficult to console for they'll push you away. Lasts 1-10minutes but can last up to 40minutes. It terminates abruptly with a return to deep sleep.

e has done this with me a few times. I noticed something quite different because he wasn't calling out for me but rather crying and when I made it to him he would push me away, crying acting very anxiety ridden and say he wanted me. When he'd come to this is when the "milking" began. He'd wake, know he was safe with me and then ask for this, that and one hundred more things. I thought for sure it was just bad behavior. Nancy Birkenmeier, the sleep doctor assures me it's something real and it's simply him waking to seek comfort and asking for everything he is comforted by.

She offered some techniques and of course to make an appointment if I find myself at a loss. One pattern I'll be working even harder on is tucking him in and then leaving. I have always rocked e to sleep. I have always come to his call. A good way to help one which in turn will help the other is saying good night while he's awake instead of waiting until he's out. I do this from time to time. e doesn't get worked up anymore when I leave him to fall asleep on his own so you might be asking, then why don't you do it every night? Well, pretty certain it's cause I'm used to it too. I enjoy that time, I enjoying snuggling and looking at his sweet slumbering face.

I will do better to help with managing his bedtime routines and adding to his required sleep number. We're not doing too bad but I could do better and I promise to work harder on this my boy. What I did learn is that I don't have to go to extremes. We can both be eased into proper habits. It's closer than I think to perfection...kidding again...all kinds of factors will sneak up on us from time to time. Vacation, illness, a special night out and simply you getting older and testing the waters can give us yet another parental hill to climb.

If I were to describe this hill it would be lush with the most beautiful flowers and I'd be on top of it yelling at the next challenge, "bring it on", no not "king of the mountain" that's your line e...mine is welcoming every challenge to mold you into the bestest boy ever! With help of course!